I Am the Very Model of the Modern Major Liberal

Two verses contributed by commenters at another blog - can't remember which one....

I am the very model of an English-major liberal;
I know the Marxist jargon and can deconstructive-gibber all
Week long in teaching sessions with my fellow SJ warriors,
Without a shred of guilt at wasting time in these tutorials;

I spend my days at protests waving largely misspelled signs around
And rant about the copious injustices that still abound
In every institution that the Western world did once revere, (bothered for a rhyme)
Including public bathrooms where one dare not guess what will appear!

I'm very good at finding flaws and blaming them on prejudice
And getting people fired should they dare to call a lady "Miss":
In short, as long as you don't think my expertise too literal,
I am the very model of an English-major liberal!


Yes, I am the very model of an English-major liberal,
My learning is all peer-reviewed, expert-approved, chimerical,
And all opinions scrubbed to purge the stain of thought original
To better fit my empty mind among the throng millennial.

Nobody dares dispute with me by processes deemed logical
Or ask if my degrees confer advantage economical
I whine and stamp my feet and thus prevail before the social thralls
Though some suspect my brain is cooked through means pharmacological.

The purpose of a school is not to learn but simply replicate
The purpose of a story not to entertain but propagate
The purpose of discussion not to show but just to obfuscate

The purpose of a person to exploit, and never to relate
As long as you don't get too close and notice that I'm full of bull -
I am the very model of an English-major liberal!